so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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