I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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