3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
