Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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