if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
God I need to hump something, right now.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
