I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I can't turn off my feet"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
