I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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