i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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