My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
