that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
