I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
