sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
