Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
