it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just high enough for therapy.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
