guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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