Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
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Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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