the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
