no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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