actually, I'm a sock model
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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