i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
