Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
