how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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