Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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