I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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