I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I don't deserve a penis
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
