i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
