Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
