you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
