So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
