i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
