the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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