Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
