Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
