yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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