I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
