It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
