He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
