Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
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I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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