He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
