i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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