I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Drunk is a universal language darling
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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