Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
