she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
home. puking in laundry basket.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
