When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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