Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
