After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
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Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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