Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
