she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
