I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
