and she was petting her beer can
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
