I am in a vortex of obligation.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
