you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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