Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
