Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We left an ass print on the piano.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
