is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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