I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
