i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
