I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
