The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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