we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
