i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
