genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
