I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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