yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
