win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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