toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
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