I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
