I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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