God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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