he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
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and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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