remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
well I can't set my house on fire every night
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
