who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
